When I found out I was pregnant with my oldest child, Cooper, I had about a bazillion thoughts cross my mind as I stared at that positive pregnancy test ... One of which was the vision of being home and snuggling and loving him every day.
You see, from the time I was a little girl, I dreamt of being a mom. In fact, one time I walked up to a lady in the middle of Wal-Mart and said "Hi ma'am! I think your baby is awfully pretty. May I have her?" I kid you not. That really happened. And my mom didn't kill me! Just to prove my point further ... Do you all remember those Sally Struthers commercials where she begged you to give $1 a day to help a child in need? I used to BEG my mama to do it! I thought all we had to do was pay $31 a month for those kids and they'd be ours! Like living in our home, loving on them and taking care of them ... OURS.
Fast forward a few years ... At the young age of 18 I was told I may never have the opportunity to have my own biological children. I was encouraged to freeze my eggs and other things that my 18 year old mind couldn't grasp. So, I said no. I remember telling my doctors that if God wanted to me birth my own children, He would provide. And, if He had other plans, He and I (and my future husband who I hadn't met at that time) would figure that out then.
But still ... all I ever wanted was to be a mom. It was my purpose and my calling in life. And I just knew it in the depths of my soul.
I had the very best mom. She was funny. She was sassy. She was hard-working. She was loyal. She was God-fearing. But above everything, she was the most loving person I have ever known. And, I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to have children someday who looked at me the way we looked at her. And, I wanted the chance to love someone so unconditionally ... the way I had been loved.
So, I found my future husband. We fell in love. Got married. And, my biological clock started ticking. I had just turned 30 years old, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. There was a chance I may not be able to have kids ... it might take FOREVER ... it may not happen at all. But I felt it in my heart of hearts that God was telling me something. He was going to provide everything my heart ever desired. And, I told my husband that I believed it was time to grow our family. Nine moths later, our son, Cooper, was born. What an amazing God we serve. I trusted Him. I put the power in His hands and not medical science. And, He gave me everything I ever wanted.
Shortly after Cooper was born, we found out I had cancer for the second time. And, although, my prognosis was much better this time, there was still the thought of "will I be able to have more children?"
In June of 2014, Jared and I decided to speak with a doctor about the health risks and safety of having another baby. She gave us the thumbs up and our hearts beamed! We knew Cooper would be the best big brother ever! And, just as we are promised in God's word ... When we put our faith in the Lord, He will provide ... every. single. time! And this time, in August we learned He gave us a double blessing - TWINS!
So, today I'm sitting in the playroom ... with not one but three absolute miracles! My house is a wreck. I'm rocking a top knot. I don't have any make-up on. I'm chugging my second spark of the day and snacking on hummus. My life can get a little crazy at times. And, yet here I am ... I'm so blessed to spend my days with them each and every day ... even the days that require 3 doses of clear mood ... I wouldn't trade it for the world! God truly heard my heart, and he granted me the greatest blessings I could have ever imagined. His plan is so much better than the dreams I had as a child!
I don't know what your dreams are. I don't know if you even have dreams anymore. But, I can promise you that if you put your faith in the Lord of Lords and King of Kings, and you allow yourself to be honest with Him, He will hear you! How truly beautiful is it to know He knows your every thought, your fears, your worries ... He knows the things that make you happy and make you sad ... He knows YOU! I hope you'll take the time to get to know Him.